How do you listen to your partner?
Straight forward enough, is it not? You listen to her, you add your piece whenever you see the opening / know you can solve the problem she has…and then for some strange reason, the conversation either ends or you end up listening to a "new problem"!
As men we generally do one thing really well when it comes to our partner’s problems; we clearly see the solution and, in an attempt to ease the burden of listen to her side of the story, we openly give the solution. Model partner, correct?
Model partner perhaps, if you are on the front cover of "Men’s Health." For the benefit of your marriage / long term committed relationship, learn the following four worded rule:
STOP SOLVING HER PROBLEMS!*
*unless she has specifically asked you to help her do so!
Women need to have problems, it gives them a higher position on the "I am a woman and these are the problems I need to deal with" chart. The more problems, the higher the she climbs on the chart. So by you solving her problem, you are taking away her ranking as a woman.
The Solution that works really well
- When your lady starts to share or discuss something, stop her for one second and ask her what she needs:
"Babe, do you want me to just listen to you or would you like my opinion at the end?"
- Then simply do whatever she tells you – if it is listening then truly listen and sympathize with her. If it’s your opinion she needs please note that only give her your opinion (not advice) and let her make the final decision
So let’s dig deeper why this actually works.
- Firstly, you are respecting her and letting her know that you are ready to truly be engaged with her
- Secondly, you are not going to be held accountable because you are simply sharing your opinion (if she wants that) but the ultimate decision making will be made by her
How do you measure your success in how well you are listening to her?
You will not like this answer but it’s the fact. The better you listen to her the more she will share with you.
Yes, that’s correct. The better you listen to her the more safe she feels in sharing with you which means you are doing a good job at listening to her … otherwise she will share with someone else and that could lead to sharing with other men which can lead to … well you know.
Gents, it is really not rocket science, and when you do the basics really well, your relationship will reach new heights.
Endre Gabori
Master Coach
Endre created The Bulletproof Husband™ (TBH) after witnessing dozens of men lose their marriage time and time again because they did not have the sufficient resources or tools to keep it together.