It is normal to experience your wife “worse” when you start to work on yourself in hopes of saving your marriage

04 Oct

It is normal to experience your wife “worse” when you start to work on yourself in hopes of saving your marriage

Endre Gabori

Plentiful Friday my Bowler!

So this week I have been writing to you about how normal it is to experience your wife “worse” when you start to work on yourself in hopes of saving your marriage.

Today, I want to look at that with you from the “how it makes you feel” aspect because let’s face it brother…her seeming to be crazier than she already has been can be scary.

I mean you are already doubting yourself in a desperate situation with your marriage…

And now when you actually start to take action, all of a sudden her behavior goes on a radical rollercoaster ride like you have never seen before.

That can do several things to you:

  • Increase your doubt
  • Create panic or anxiety
  • Make you avoid her
  • React proportionately back (she screams, you scream etc.)
  • Stop taking action altogether thinking it’s not working

Lot of emotions come up when you experience this phenomenon.

She is trying to crack you. She is trying to have you fall back into the old behaviors.

Because when she sees your changes (with TBH it’s pretty much immediate) it freaks her out…makes her mad and angry…

Why do you have to be good now? Why now? Why not 5, 10, 15 years ago?…she is thinking

In the chaos of not yet understanding your changes, she will see it as manipulative and she will rebel against it.

Not only will she rebel against it, but because she is checked out she is on the quest to “gather evidence” that leaving you is the right decision.

When you crack and fall back to the old behaviors = you just gave her the evidence that leaving is the right decision

When you pass the test = you just started to rebuild the trust and further have her doubt the decision to leave you

It’s normal. All part of the playbook. All needed.

Not only is it normal, it’s your time to shine by truly implementing the tools.

Because when you pass her tests in these situations, it will start to make her decision to leave you so so so much more difficult.

Stay in the game. Use the tools. Be unbreakable, brother.

That’s my babble for today and now I have to go and get ready for a parent/teacher interview at my daughter’s school (my first one) – whatever that looks like for a 4.5 year old lol.

Be the bowl,

Endre

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